i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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