He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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