I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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