and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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