and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
