Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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