I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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