guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
