Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
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I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
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The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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