the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
