I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
