Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
