just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
