Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I deserve this hangover.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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