thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
