Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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