Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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