and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
