You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
