he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
