No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
