This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
