im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
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My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
my poor anus
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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