My nipple is on Facebook.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
