dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
