I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
