So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
