hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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