I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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