Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
