It's Friday. Sex?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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