so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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