I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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