Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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