I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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