Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
