By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
