Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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