you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
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he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
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I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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