you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
