just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
