My liver just broke up with me...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
