my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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