Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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