It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
