hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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