And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
