I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
