Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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