You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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