so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
