you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
