what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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