go do what you do best...puke behind churches
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
