sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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