he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
