I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
