you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
