I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
