i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
