He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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