i just sent this text using only my big toe
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
