I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
The beer is more important than you right now.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
